Time to Move?

I’m struggling against my current living conditions. I’m living with family, supposedly to get more support for my mental illnesses. Instead, my cat is constantly yelled at for something natural to him or locked in a room of his own. I’m living on someone else’s schedule of rising, meals, housework, shopping, medical appointments. My family has a very different worldview, even to not watching the news and having the privilege of staying ignorant of the world. And it is impossible to live with a passive-aggressive parent who was emotionally abusive when I was growing up and now still is, though I ignore it.

I want to move away, possibly back to Chicago where I have a strong support system. Possibly I could move somewhere nearby. Possibly I could take this opportunity to move back to California where my soul abides. And I could see the ocean and forests regularly, something that feeds me.

I’m upset, and so I texted my therapist who told me to breathe, to remember my values, to make a list of pros and cons, and to blog. Thus, I am blogging my values and pros and cons. It helps me to write everything out, in case you couldn’t figure that out from the fact that I have a blog – about myself.

Values: Health, Expressing my compassion, Spirituality of some sort, Purposeful/Meaningful living, Active involvement in world working for justice and peace. I have a hard time coming up with them without the value cards in front of me, but you can really only focus on a few at a time. So having just a few is ok.

Pros of moving: Own space and schedule, Live out my values in my daily life, Take care of my cat in way he needs to be, Use and display my own things and not have them be in storage, Sense of independence (if not obvious from other pros), Can have visitors over and have space to do that

Pros of staying with family: Dinners cooked for me (I do cleaning), Some cleaning done for me, Some support for mental health, Less money every month

Cons of moving: Living solitarily and extra stress on mental health from that, Extra expense right now and every month, Stress of moving on mental health, Extra support needed from non-existent friends or not-local friends

Cons of staying with family: Not my schedule, Living with passive-aggressiveness, No appropriate space for guests, Mean to my cat, Suppressing natural living according to values, All the things important to me in storage

There might be more pros and cons. It’s a hard decision. My heart is pounding. It seems my mental health would be stressed initially, but would ultimately improve with independence? Staying with family is repressing myself but with some support. I don’t know which value is the one to follow. I can’t follow my gut instinct, partially cuz it’s to flee and partially because I can’t trust my brain or gut as discussed in the post “Bipolar Me.” https://suddenlybipolar.com/2018/08/08/bipolar-me

One parent wants to have a Big Family Discussion, with Compromise. Right. Some people are going to get everything they want. As usual. It might be better to move.

3 responses to “Time to Move?

  1. Hi. I deal with psychosis. I was living with my family for support as well, at least that was the point: I could get on my feet, save up some money, and get a place of my own. The environment was toxic for me and once I realized this I knew it was time to get out. I wasn’t getting any actual support from them, I got more from my coworkers and friends. So, thus, I moved out. It’s been the best thing for my mental health and for me personally. I’m not saying that’s the decision for you, but I just wanted to say I think you should also trust your instinct a little. I know it’s difficult when we deal with mental health struggles to really trust ourselves (I mean, with psychosis trust is a whole different issue lol) but if we lose all trust in ourselves then we have to put it all in other people and that’s just not feasible or healthy. I hope that you are able to voice yourself and advocate for yourself during this Big Family Discussion and that you can decide what will be best for you in the long run.

    Peace be with you,
    Ali.

    • Thank you so much! I was living alone in Chicago, yet I needed more support for my mental health. Hence, moving in with family in Texas. I don’t know if it’s toxic, but it’s not entirely healthy either. Hmmm…

      • You’re welcome 🙂 I guess it kind of depends on what you can handle and how close you are with your family too! And how that big discussion goes . . .

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