All I want to do is tuck in and watch movies all day. I cancelled on going to a dinner with strangers because it was “too far” in commute traffic. It probably is a long drive, but that is beside the point. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even want to sleep. I’m just numb.
Is this what stability is like? Is this what it is like when the new, shiny-ness of stability has worn off? Maybe I am in shock. That is what this numb feeling is like. My mood might be a little depressed, but that’s just based on anhedonia, the lack of ability to feel positive things, like enjoyment at doing things you used to find enjoyable.
I don’t want to do any navel-gazing introspection. I’m not sure I would find anything right now, to be honest. I don’t want to make art. I’m not inspired by anything right now. I don’t want to hang out with people, though there is no one to hang out with. I don’t want to go sightseeing, though I looked up some stuff in the area and even found free, indoor things to do.
I’m forcing myself to eat and to work out for half an hour a day. But I’m lazy the rest of the time, and so I’m not sure how good a half hour of exercise really is. I also applied for another volunteer job, but I’m having a hard time following through with the background check forms I have to fill out now, as well as showing up for a training today. I don’t think I missed anything though, since I just applied on Saturday, and it will take 4-6 weeks for the child abuse prevention check. I can take a training closer to the time when I would start. But I still don’t want to do anything.
Is this the me of stability? I’m not sure I like it.