Reflections #8

Day 8 in the two weeks of seeing what I’m thinking. Thoughts are still racing, check. Mood is still stable, check. Yep, status quo.

There was an incident last night with the cats. My cat and one of my parents’ cats got into a tussle again. After they stopped, and I was positioned to keep them apart, my mom says maybe it’s time for Charmer to go to bed. Which is a not subtle hint that he needs to be in my room now. So I just went up with him without saying goodnight. I know when we’re not wanted. Even if Charmer didn’t start it, he’s to blame. My dad hates him. He’s just young, and still wants to play. They are old and don’t want to play. They are fighting back now, and Charmer keeps his distance from the one that will fight back. But I know that we’re not wanted.

I was able to read non-fiction last night! Even with racing thoughts. I was scanning, but was able to slow it down enough, and reread enough, that I was able to comprehend most of what I was reading. It’s historical political science, not my usual fare. It’s interesting though.

I finally called the Democratic party office in my county, and got some leads on volunteering with a couple candidates and some computer stuff I could do with their office. Finally a place to volunteer! I hope the others get back to me, and I hope I can balance and juggle all three places to some extent. Staying focused is hard. Concentration and comprehension are hard. Everything feels stressful. I haven’t been able to hold a part-time job for very long, and a volunteer job for even less time each time I tried. These have lead to feeling a failure. I keep trying though.

Did some art therapy again. I’m getting better at incorporating art in my life right now. I feel good about that. This art therapy exercise was to look back on the last 24 hours and notice the highlights. As you drew or wrote about them, notice what you felt about them then, and what you feel about it now. I’m still bent out of shape about how my cat is treated…

Still watching The Handmaid’s Tale and I’ve started watching Queer Eye. Each has a very different view of the world right now. One is very dystopian and speaks to what is slowly, or not so slowly, happening in our country. The other is optimistic that change is possible, starting one person at a time, and affecting those closest to you with your new confident perspective. Setting them against each other is interesting. One is communitarian; one is individualistic. I suppose I see the situation that I need to keep a wide vision of what the community and nation can be, with local and individual choices to be made with that in mind. That’s probably stretching it. That’s how I’m resolving the tension anyway. It speaks to my political involvement this year too. I have taken to heart, also, that it is privilege that lets someone think they can opt out of politics. Plus, we can’t make it better by holding ourselves above it. We must hold a view that a rising body of water holds all boats aloft. I can’t rise unless we all rise. It’s rare to find this view, at least around here. I’ve got some leads though!

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