Reflections #6

Another day of seeing what I’m thinking. Join me for random thoughts.

Mood is still stable today, and thoughts are still racing so fast that I can’t tell what I’m thinking. I wish writing everyday would slow them down, but that’s not the point of writing everyday. The point is to see what I’m thinking over a two-week period until I see my therapist again. My thoughts slow a little bit to eke out a paragraph. But I’m jumping to the next thing in my mind.

Got a few art pieces and a picture collage put up in my room today. Brings some color into the room and makes it more lived in. Yay! I’m spending more time in my room these days. It’s nice to have a retreat where I can stream shows and maybe make some art, and be surrounded by things that remind me of home. Cuz I’m still not totally at home here. But it’s coming??

I started the second season of The Handmaid’s Tale. This is all stuff that’s not in the book, and I’m checking to see if they are true to the book’s story. There were inconsistencies in the first season, though it kept to the book most of the time. Good couple of episodes so far, filling in back story and moving June’s story along. I will have to switch over to netflix soon when House of Cards drops its last season. Sad to see it go – such an intelligent binge-worthy show. I hear that Queer Eye on netflix is really good too. So maybe a break from the handmaid for a while? Or mix it up when I need a change.

I’m almost done with Jurassic Park, the book. My brother gave it to me. Interesting and fast-paced read. Easy to read too. I’m still saddened by my inability to comprehend more complicated reading, such as any non-fiction. The inability started when I was first diagnosed with bipolar. My psychiatrist and therapist said my ability to read would come back. It’s been almost 8 years…

I decided to wear red today. I debated doing anything patriotic at all. I’m upset with what’s being done in our names by a small group of appointed people. It’s hard to say “elected” when so few vote to begin with. A friend posted that they are post-national, have no loyalty or allegiance to a particular country. I can agree with him. If I could live alone, I just might move to another country, one with good healthcare, to be sure.

I hate eating dinner so early with my parents. When I start cooking on my own, I’ll eat at a more decent hour. 5pm is just short enough from lunch not to warrant a snack in the afternoon, and too early to eat since I need a snack in the evening so I can take my meds that need food. But I could save some more calories if I ate dinner at a normal time and took my meds with it. Unless I start cooking for myself though, I can rewarm a plate later, which I did for a while, or I can eat at 5 and need a snack later. I clean the kitchen after dinner, which I wouldn’t have to do if I ate later. Just clean up after myself. It’s a hassle not to be able to use the kitchen or pots or utensils until family is out of there. I heard from my brother – who owns the house – that he has given up on being able to use the kitchen because he is always in the way or something. Basically my mom owns the kitchen and we all borrow from her. Time and equipment. I wish I had my own kitchen. Not that I like cooking, mind you. But I could do what I need to do when I need to do it.

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