Hospital Diaries – Feb 4-5

February 4

The saga continues. As I detox from Lexapro in preparation for the MAOI emSam, suicidal thoughts and urges have increased. The thoughts and urges are so distressing – no particular trigger. As part of art therapy I started with an altimeter, turned it into a clock. Red hands point to 3pm. Purple second hand sweeps forward. Yellow hands point to 7:45am. Time is running out, for the red hands are the ends. At 11am there is a tear drop, with pills. They may be a stop-gap. That’s where I was yesterday dealing with suicidality.

February 5

The dizziness continues. I’ve been miserable all day. Finally, meclazine! Why did it take so long for us to think of this???

2 responses to “Hospital Diaries – Feb 4-5

  1. I’m sorry you’re struggling. Hospitals are the pits. Mine is the worst. I probably belong there now, but the line between chronic suicidal thoughts and being a real danger is so blurry. I’m glad you have a hospital with people who are respectful and helpful. And I’m glad you are doing, at least a little bit, better.

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