No matter how long or how hard I work while in the hospital, the real work begins when I am discharged. Now I need to keep myself safe, even if I still have suicidal thoughts (just thoughts) or am alone or surrounded by items that figure specially in suicidal obsessions.
Today I began the Partial Hospitalization Program – 6 hours of time in a non-clinical setting to process, practice skills, build a community of support. I’ve done this before. It can be good. I’m hoping I get to do a lot of relationship processing. The suicidality is a symptom at this point, ugly symptom as it is.
Did.Not.Like my clinical manager. Bitchy attitude and unwilling to hear me out about my goals for the program. She had it in her head what I was there for and what box I fit in. Not a good way to start the program #justsayin
One good thing about the day program:
I’ve been reading in the mental health field a bit, and this makes Perfect Sense! I see the world, not as it is, but as my bipolar mind, my anxious mind, my OCD mind, my chronic pain mind, my creative and intelligent mind sees it. I can’t change How I see. I can’t take the broken perception away. There’s a huge acceptance piece there. Not to change the perception or to get rid of it. But accept that this is how I see the world.
This is how I see the world. I see the world through suicidal eyes. That’s terrible. And I can’t change it.