Ode to My Husband

You know who bears the brunt of mental illness?

The person who lives with and loves the person who has it.

I have bipolar. I hate living with bipolar. It’s terrible to live with it. I will never be rid of this horrid thing.

And I think it’s worse to watch someone with it and know you’re helpless against it. I think it’s worse to love someone who has it and be confused when the illness makes your loved one do something stupid. I think it’s worse to live with someone who has it and Not get sucked into the mania or depression cycle when those erupt.

I think it’s worse because you don’t understand what it’s like living inside the mind and body and brain of the person with the illness. You can’t know, which is frustrating for both parties, and no amount of describing or analogies will allow a spouse or other loved one inside the life of someone with bipolar to understand that there were good intentions behind that action that totally blew up. I know it’s more than tough to give the person the benefit of the doubt or of good intentions when a relationship turns inside out. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be in a relationship with someone with bipolar and have the whole relationship be about the person with bipolar.

All that said, I think my husband should win any and all possible gold medals for sticking with me for YEARS of untreated (because undiagnosed!) bipolar, and for the years of trying to find stability now that I am treated. I’m sure that I’m impossible to live with, now that I look back with more clarity and see who I was for all those years. I missed out on those years too, but he bore the brunt of my actions and moods when we just thought it was me. And he still sticks by me. I don’t know why, but I’m Very Glad!

I found some resources that could help him and any others who are living with someone with bipolar. Once again Natasha Tracy was my source (Yay Natasha!).


8 responses to “Ode to My Husband

  1. Love this. And both of you.

  2. Pingback: I’m Back! | Premium Thoughts

  3. You are so brave. Both of you.

  4. My husband has been amazingly supportive and is trying to learn more about how to handle my illness. I can relate to all of this. Great blog. Very helpful.

  5. In this entry you said some of the things I haven’t been able to find the words for. I wish that I could say some of these things to my boyfriend of three years. I wish that by saying it, it could take some of the pain and the burden away.

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