Roller Coaster June

I’ve been in the hospital twice this month, both times just for a weekend. That timeframe is huge progress for me! Usually I’m in for 5-7 days for a short stay. The short stays also meant I didn’t miss any work, and so no extra stress from wondering how missing work would go over.

As of the last week of June, I’m back in the Anxiety Program. I had Great Success with ACT, which the program uses, when I was in the program in March. I forgot a lot of it though. My memory is still not what it should be. I think it’s a combination of being on psych drugs, ECT from 2 years ago, and menopause (early from a hysterectomy 5 years ago). So this time in the Anxiety Program, I’m hoping the concepts get into long-term memory!

Stress is still high. You wouldn’t believe how high it was to land me in the hospital both times! Hence, the Anxiety Program for step-down treatment. I tried to work my usual hours after the morning program, but that ended up being like working full-time, for which I don’t have the stamina or focus for. Besides, I’m driving 50 miles a day to be in the program, work, then get home. So, with great consternation, I asked my doctor to write me out for more hours from work. I think I can handle 2-3 instead of 4. We’ll see! I’ll try that this week.

So this was a rather unemotional and clinical post. Sorry about that. It’s just where I am right now. Trying to face emotion and relationships and stress. But I did want to update y’all. And show what being bipolar is like. Sometimes it’s very clinical in order to face life just a little at a time. Best not to be overwhelmed and land in the hospital again.

I’m looking forward to a more stable and normal life. I thought I was heading there. But that was February. It’s been a tough spring. And June’s roller coaster just capped off the question of stability. I can see stability in the not-so-distant future. Maybe a year or two, but that’s not too far out. It’s not 10 years, for instance. And, as my doctor and therapist have said, fewer and shorter hospitalizations is progress! Eventually it will be NO hospitalizations. In the not-so-distant future.

Oh, and HUGE SHOUT-OUT to all my friends who helped me through this month. I couldn’t do it without you! Thanks for letting me freak-out in front of you!


12 responses to “Roller Coaster June

  1. Elizabeth Nordquist

    If “freaking out” is helpful, go right ahead. Daily you live in my loving and prayerful heart!

  2. We love you.

  3. This is huge progress from the times when you could see nothing positive in your future!!

    • Right? I’m surprised when I am in a hopeful phase. We’ve discovered that my baseline mood – when healthy – is slightly depressed. Not pessimistic – that’s different. But on the depressed side. That certainly makes hopelessness more of a “normal” for me. It’s nice to recognize that I’m a bit hopeful again.

  4. I wish there’d been a program like this in my area. I had such bad anxiety the last couple of months that I worked at my last job, I thought I was going to have to be hospitalized…..I was eating Ativan like Skittles. Fortunately, I was put on Klonopin which is a longer-acting anxiolytic, but it was too late to save my job. But, they say everything happens for a reason, and now I’m glad to be away from there as I’ve finally stabilized.

    Wishing you the best on your journey to good health!

    • I was on klonopin for a long time too, but switched because therapeutic dose for me made me sleep. Not conducive to productive living.
      I hope you find the next job or chapter of your life soon!
      PS- love your avatar!

  5. Clinical schlimical, just grateful to read your update. Hugs

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