In case you hadn’t heard, the family room on the lowest level of our split level house flooded in the Chicago rains this week. Faulty sump pump. Backyard up to the knees at the lowest point. This level of flooding happened 3 years ago but only had a couple inches of water. Landlords got us new carpet, we finally really moved into the room and began utilizing it as a room of no-clutter and coziness for me, and a corner for a home office.
But… we had 5 inches or so 2 days ago. Lost the furniture, book cases, desk, etc. Many books, photo albums. Junk. Landlords are getting us a new sump pump and carpet. But our losses are still significant. And no, rental insurance doesn’t cover flooding. We checked last time.
So, my life is disrupted. The cats are Not Happy about the chaos and naturally respond to my mood and Dave’s. I’ve been stable so far and anxiety has been low enough that I an handle. The depression I live with all the time, plunging a bit. Enough that I’m thinking about the safety of the hospital. The reality is that I’m not wanting to hurt myself or suicidal. I am, however, depressed and getting more depressed. Depressed people usually don’t have energy to do anything about it…
I’ve been pushing feelings away and staying focused on tasks at hand. You’d think that was a good thing “staying in the moment.” It’s not. It’s avoidance. When feelings break through or I become aware of the disruption and then the feelings of sadness at leaving things and the frustration of all the work that will hurt my back, then I hurt and I start thinking of the hospital. Now I’m trying to push that away. This is just stress right?