I’m not doing well today. The emotional visit with my therapist yesterday opened up the floodgates and I can’t seem to escape. I want to run and hide from the emotional pain, but there’s nowhere to go. Hurting myself won’t solve anything, but slipping away into unconsciousness would. Maybe that’s why I’m sleeping so much. Except I’m dreaming a lot (and I remember most of my dreams). And the dreams keep featuring me in ministry roles. So sleep isn’t helping as much as I want. And I’m back to being awake and wanting to escape.
My therapist suggested a technique to remind me that I’m bigger than my feelings, that I exist outside them and to distance myself from them. I give them a name so they take on a personification I can talk to and control. So, “Katie” is out of control right now. I need some help controlling the feelings so I can find some rest from wanting to escape.
I don’t want to end up in the hospital yet I’m afraid I’m heading there. If you’re the praying type, I’d appreciate them! Not being alone will probably help.