Confirmation: Lost Profession

Symbols I'm Pondering: Pastor's Stole

So, my therapist and I were talking today, and it is very clear to us that the profession of pastor will not work for me. It will still be several months until I find my new normal and can start looking for work. And that just can’t be pastoring, which triggers my mania and offers too many places to hide when depression strikes.

I am sad to the core about this development because I think I could have been a good pastor. And it’s also important that I can be friends and caregiver to myself. Being a pastor tempts me to do too much, which hurts me physically and mentally. Similarly, doing another degree (Ph.D.) would be too much.

In one fell swoop two secret ambitions cast down. Truly I have no idea what is ahead of me. I trust there will be good and whole ways to be the person God created me to be. I just have no freakin clue what that might be now. One step in front of the other, that’s all we ever have. But it still feels like a huge rip taken out of my soul.

5 responses to “Confirmation: Lost Profession

  1. The steps you have already taken to recognize and face your illness are huge and brave. Perhaps your discernment leaves you with the knowledge that a pastoral position in a church is undoable right now and, perhaps, ever. However, there is plenty of pastoring that needs doing that doesn’t require the exertion required in a church position. I don’t know what that will look like for you, or if it will even look like a ‘job’, but I know you will be doing ministry with and among us in the future. I guess those are the kinds of things we will be talking about at unco 11. 🙂 Blessings and peace as you continue your hard work of healing. ~megan

  2. God is not finished with you yet! Of that I am sure!

    In the meantime, I can empathize with that hole in your soul. Getting rid of dis-ease always leaves a hole. And we live in the promise that those holes will be filled again to overflowing.

  3. Time is a precious gift, yet seems to be a torment when waiting for resolve of current situations that loom. Although no longer a profession, all your years of learning an experience will continue to serve His purpose in some way. It is just going to take time to learn what that is.
    We are working on a new song in praise team here and it really resonates to me. Perhaps it will to you as well.

  4. I’ve spent a lot of life waiting for “what’s next” and finally realized I was missing a lot of “right now.” May God grant you grace and peace in the “right now.” Glad you are planning on #unco11 – I look forward sharing that space.

  5. I can only imagine that “huge rip taken out of your soul.” Prayers for you and for healing that includes God landing you right where you need to be profession-wise. Blessings upon you.

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