Everyone has a story to tell. I’ve sat on one for a while, waiting for inspiration, for a flow of words, for a stronger need to go public. And now the story is more urgent. I also need more support from those family and friends that have asked what has gone on.
I still feel like my life is imploding and I haven’t yet seen bottom when the pieces settle out and start sorting themselves back together again. While the tagline of the blog says “My Journey Through Darkness to Wholeness,” I haven’t seen that wholeness yet. I’ve lost my job, perhaps my profession. I’ve lost my sense of self and sense of who I was in the past and will be in the future. But I trust that wholeness is around the corner, waiting for me to stumble onto it. It won’t always be this dark.
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance describe recovery from Mental Illness with the SAMSHA (the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration/Center for Mental Health Services) (http://www.samhsa.gov/) definition:
Mental health recovery is a journey of healing and transformation enabling a person with a mental health problem to live a meaningful life in a community of his or her choice while striving to achieve his or her full potential.
My recovery begins with the descent into darkness in Summer 2010. What felt like a usual mid-summer slam into the wall of fatigue turned out to be the first of several depression dips in my bipolar journey. By late September I had been hospitalized with suicidal feelings and I had gone through extensive psychological testing that said definitively I had Type 2 Bipolar Disorder. Later in the fall my psychiatrist added Generalized Anxiety Disorder too, a diagnosis that sooo fit my experience it was surreal! All of a sudden, in just a couple months, I learned I had a mental illness, was trying to recover from a severe bout of depression with suicidal ideation, and had a diagnosis that miraculously explained the previous 20 years of my life. What a relief!
In these posts I’ll share a bit at a time about my recovery journey. See you in the comments!